Oh, most of you have heard this song to death years ago
but as all good songs that become a part of our psyche do
this came up this morning
in me thinking about my friends
”
sure it’s kinda lonely
yeah it’s sorta sick
when your one and only
is a dirty selfish trick
”
but it’s not all like that
and it won’t always be like this
for those of you
who know i’m putting this up for you:
One Man Guy – performed by Rufus Wainwright, written by his father, Loudin
Last Night
i did a performance piece at Nayland’s “Misbehaviour”
the next one is on January 9th
i won’t be performing again, but i’ll be there.
my “piece” was a sort of meditation
— i’ve been teaching a lot of yoga for the last four months
and have always enjoyed leading meditations…
the idea struck me as i was walking from class two days ago
through the driving snow, freezing wind
and feeling desperately sad and frustrated
— it is meant to be a response to one (some) of Nayland’s pieces in his retrospective at
http://www.location1.org/
i kept trying to write things, but it was just about our relationship
— with all the “relationship” trouble i’ve had in my life
the idea of yoga, mediation, and freezing in the cold
i came up with this idea
the original recording i made on my iPhone i’ve put HERE in mp3 format
i had it playing softly in my ear last night, but ended up not really following it..
the video of last night’s performance can be seen here: (in mp4, ipod format)
The snow has already turned to rain
But still
I saw a man in central park
Rolling up a big muddy ball of it
I hate to blame thingsbon the moon
She has enough trouble as it is
I know
But it’s full moon in Gemini today
No wonder I feel like a maniac
Woke up at 7am and couldn’t get back to sleep
Bounced around my apt for hours not being able to decide ANYTHING
Yay for life in the city…
I need to -ground- my ass down
I know there are many stages to living
One stairway
One landing
Another
This one is this
This one that
You must live through this to become that
You can do it together or alone
You can do it in divinity or eternity
You can do it in pieces
Or whole
Oh, i also tried making a video of my yoga practice today for the first time
thinking this might be helpful for me and for my students
… but i started as the sun was setting
so through the vid
it fades to black
watch while you can, if you like
NWS, though
it’s an hour long
and i’m naked:
oh, pretty well
i’m sorry i’ve not talked with you much lately
… i was having dinner with a friend last night and made some comment to him about how grateful i was for him listening to me
“what, now that even my journal isn’t talking to me anymore”
some really wonderful creative experiences have been presenting themselves lately
various photo shoots
some art project, some paying magazine thing… and a friend’s music video
plus, i’m going to be doing a performance piece on the 17th at a gallery in soho
it’s all very exciting
of course
i had a house guest this weekend i wasn’t expecting
it made it hard to get to sleep
not like i need any help with that
— last night he gave me some HIV meds as recreational drugs
(interesting experience, but i was shitting all day)
and the night before he participated in making my crumbling relationship with my b___ friend even more tenuous by giving me a reason to be even more angry with him
… when i was describing that relationship to my friend last night over dinner
his face looked horrified at some of the things i said
i, being a bit of a monster, spent another hour on the phone giving my brother advice to learn how to love the un-lovable (my father)
he telling me how horrified his wife is in interacting with my dad: she’s never met such a horrible person in her whole life
.. i tried to convince him there were 150,000,000 men like him in america
(i should know, i’ve had sex with nearly all of them)
oh, and yesterday, just before the photoshoot started
my kitchen collapsed
all of my corning wear
and half of my vintage fiesta wear
came crashing to the ground
glass shards everywhere
blood running down my legs
a great way to start a photoshoot, though
blood is so beautiful
just finished cleaning the kitchen and am heading to sleep now
gotta be up early for the shoot out in brooklyn tomorrow
thanks for checking in, journal
i’ll try to be a better friend.
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