Day: October 15, 2008

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One of the bitchies I have in my head
Are all the gays and girls who are So UpTight!
Tight hair cuts
Tight clothes
I was talking to this butch last night who moved from Brooklyn to 157
And all the trouble with the dangerous blacks he’s had
He’s telling me this
How he wouldn’t take out his iPhone ever on the train cox he’d get
jacked

Am I missing something?
Or are we not living in the late 70’s anymore?
Are blacks all pit bulls?
I try to tell him they are
And how they’ll only attack you if you show fear
Land sharks
You know
I hate the racist shit coming out of my mouth
But my conscious racism is mocking his automatic
He’s some big muscle queen bear
Red hair
Very pale
Tight body
Tight beard
Tight ass
Living in fear
I can just tell from his faggy little fraidy voice
He’s moving to San Franciso

I try to tell him to take martial arts so he knows be can kill someone
with his bare hands
Always got a weapon
He tells me he called the cops and they didn’t come
He was wearing a Black Flag shirt
And the black boys in his hood called him a faggot
His boyfriend walked nonChalantly on as they chucked glass bottles at
his faggot ass
So they broke up
Red beard lives in fear
Like all the other queers and soccer moms who moved here from points
west
And wish it were all a GAP mall or something
So they could feel safe
Or rich
And live in the village

“I can’t wear a skirt in my neighbor hood! I’d get killed! I live in
Washington heights!”

Yeah
Well I can go from Jesus to Manson on a dime
And I can wear a skirt anywhere I want, bitch

Cox we’re all People here
And I’m not afraid of People

People I can deal with.

Goats too.

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“there is a way out”

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I’ve taken the ferry at least twice before
Probably more
But never spent time here

Today I hooked up with a married guy who lives on the south side

I was amazed at all the cars
The freeways
… I felt like I was on Mainland America
We pulled into a suburban housing plot
Pretty with fallen leaves all yellow
And big purple Halloween plastic blowup somethings

He said his wife has always known he was gay
And sex was ne’er a part of their relationship
They adopted a girl to raise

He’s an attorney
I don’t know what she does
But they liked to spend money

He said he obsessively buys CDs
Has over 23,000 on the top floor of the house
Snoop dogg
Radiohead
Manu chao
Maria Carey
Aerosmith

It seems he buys most anything he doesn’t have
Says he takes a 32 disc wallet to work every Monday he fills up
alphabetically
“so I listened to 9 discs by Naz, bill Nash… ” he listed a few..

The walls through the house were lined with “modern art”
Matted pop-up cards coverd in glitter and puff paint…

He drove me back “downtown” SI
I had some really good pizza at A&S

Walked around a bit
Felt rejuvenated by all the unused energy here
Enjoyed the views

Waiting for the ferry
A lot of black boys/men enjoyed shouting into the air
“open the damn door!”

So many things about so many people
I just don’t Get

I did a photoshoot yesterday
On the roof, on the beach ( the ship is gone! ) and in my room against my murals
I promised not to publish any until they get accepted or not for something else
Talking with Leo, he asked me why I do this… As the photographer had…
I liked what came out of my mouth:

When I was younger I never imagined I would look like this
It was never a goal or ideal of mine

I was very into ellegance
I wanted to be Beautiful and have only Beautiful people around me
In the form of Handsome Refinement

I still love seeing Italian men who are perfectly groomed
Showing off their features…

But I really like what I’ve become as well
It’s a surprise to me
And I honestly don’t spend hours a day looking at myself
Even the photos i’ve posted in my “conversations” webpage I haventvseen all of myself

But I love that people want to photograph me
It is a record
A journal of it’s own
And oftentime more fun than just a Hook-up

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This mercury retrograde has been a good one in many ways: many things
have come to clarity and understanding…
However…
I’ve had a terrible time Being with most people
It took me days into this cycle to even notice it
And I’ve not been very good at stopping it
But I’ve been saying entirely inappropriate things often
So many times at the gathering
I repeatedly noticed people get up and move away from me
Some that I confronted denied any problem
But it was obvious to me
… After the fact

Last night at the bar I felt the same thing happening
Everything falling out of my mouth making people think I’m a total
asshole psycho wierdo
(2 out of three ain’t bad?)

Then there is this hipster finance mother fucker
Is “vote”ing for mcCain Ironic because of his stylishly lame clothes?
Or is looking like a manga character make up for wanting to rape the
world?
He was reading the wall street journal
I dunno