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While I’m fasting
all the fat men of NYC
are even more apparent
more alluring
more grotesque
more terrifying
I want them to share
I’m so hungry
I want to eat them
I state at them in wonder and amazement..
… this guy is little!
I’ve seen such giants today
but not in a way to capture them
… so huge …
my Friend
look
I want to interract with other Gods
not the love story
are you smarter?
do you see I wish to be the belove’d?
yet I am too angry and close to my father to let myself lay down beneath you
if you wish to be my lover
you must tame me
–and I Will fight you
otherwise
you must be a pillar of Heaven
and respect me as one also
for I have no interest, myself
in taming another right now
nor do I care for progeny with someone who easily submits
perhaps my destiny is to create a house with other strong pillars
a new house to live in
then creation can happen
in a safe arena…
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it’s been beautiful
but very windy
so I’ve not been naked the whole time
but the last two days I’ve had plenty of fun in the sun
heading back into the city now…
where did I leave my pants?
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the view from where
I came to rest for a few days…
started Fasting a few days ago as well
so now I’m a little chilly
but My…
it’s pretty up here
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“are you saying my time here has been some sort of Joke?
That I’ve been Messing Around?
Some sort of Incubating Period
for when I really come around…?
(well, i’m cracking up)
and you have no idea…
and I will not pretend
I will not put on a smile
I will not say ‘ I’m alright ‘ for you…
For You, who ever you are…
For You: who ever you are.”
(- Martha Wainwright)
i have a lot of respect for this girl
and i love her
and i’m glad she’s passing through the realms of initiation she needs to
we all need to do the work
whatever it is
to make our lives
what we really want them to be
drink to that
and send your blessings.
Begin forwarded message:
> From: Dominic Vine of the Owls
> Date: May 22, 2008 14:31:55 EDT
> Subject: flying dreams
>
>
> in my dreams last night
> we were in Hawaii
> or some place like it
>
> the islands seemed much smaller
> some only big enough for one person
>
> there were rich people
> of course
> somehow
> we were friends with one of them
> the wife
>
> she gave us a paper permitting us to use her private aeroplane for
> flying from island to island
>
> fearful: I didn’t know how to use it
> but you had no trouble with it
> something you’d picked up in school
>
>
> I needed you to land once we were in the air
> though I seemed to have no problem taking off…
>
>
>
> … later
> I wanted to leave
> but couldn’t find you
> and was afraid to fly without you:
> how could I ever land?
>
>
> I had the paper, though
> and realized that’s all i really needed to fly
> not the plane
>
> so I flew around
> over large castles on single craggy islands
>
> a beautiful beach big enough for a tent and some straight couple
>
>
> what if they had kids?…
>
>
> the moon was bright over the predominant ocean
>
> where were you?
>
>
>
> later flying through the barn
> and old lady gave me a hat she’d made out of felt (blue, pointed)
> and I realized I’d lost my flying papers
> but of course
> I could fly without them…
>
>
> I went home
> my apartment in New York was just a small part of an old Victorian
> mansion
> even with a drafty barn attatched
> I had this huge entertaining area downstairs I had completely
> forgotten about…
>
> I had forgotten everything
> and it had mostly been stripped, taken over, or filled with stuff by
> the nice blond calfornian housewife who lived elsewhere and was
> inching her way into all the space she could get
>
> some women’s meeting was happening and I fled
> not wanting to deal with that now
> I went back to my apartment
> I had too much stuff to do:
> I had to wake up
>
>
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