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So
i’m heading to the airport now
arriving in Oakland at 4pm
probably only in the bay a day
then heading up to Eureka to be with Leo
haven’t been in CA for over a year
hello again
a friend of his recently committed suicide
— his son had died in iraq
his wife was very distant from him for the last few years anyway
it was just a few months after they buried his son
that he shot himself in the head
at his memorial service
the pastor said
this had happened many times in the last few years.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – –
he told me he’d only had sex with 3 people in the last twenty years.
he told me he never cared too much what somebody thought about him
the music he made, though: that’s a different story
and i took this genuinely
and admired his devotion to the etherial art of sound
yet the reason he came to me
was for the realm of the body
which he could not stop thanking me
for escorting him back into.
Yo, what’s up?
i googled myself today and found this:
http://www.fireflyfans.net/sunroomitem.asp?i=13229
… where’d she get that?
i’d never heard of FireFly before
but i named one of my hard drives that last year (the one i travel with)
and someone just emailed me with that as their address
100000 fireflies all around . . .
(and i need more sleep)
(but i did just finish another big project, thank you full moon)
i left the shop so late last night
everything was frozen over
i let the truck idle for a while
warming up
i walked around
looking at the moon.
when i got in the truck
i switched the parking lights on just so i could read the dashboard
and when enough of the ice on the windscreen had melted
i pulled out
4:30 am
no cars on the road
i was over half way back home before i noticed i hadn’t turned the driving lights on
the moon was SO amazingly bright
i could see just fine
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i keep getting smacked with the feeling
of how many people there are in the world.
and i don’t need to be famous
coz… even if is were, like (um) Johnny Depp famous
there would be many many people who didn’t know about me and didn’t care about me.
where did this fucking fame bug come from?
am i so lonely?
there are SO many people in the world just living their lives
finding something to do with every day…
as i packed up the my stuff in goat’s house today
putting my stuff into storage
yet again
i thought of all the days people have
all the life lived
all the life wasted
and is there really anything wrong with just watching TV and smoking pot all day?
or drinking?
i guess i just want to have a full life experience
and some sort of noteriety is involved in that
do i have enough?
it’s a constant being, it needs to be nourished
and then my body
and then my emotions
and then money
and then stuff
today i was daunted many times by the immense puzzle that is life
as
yet again
i feel like i have to address square one.
[ until i make my own square one, (yes i see now, N) i will keep getting people trying to give me their square one…
which they’re doing because they don’t really have one either. ]
i’m doing this yeast cleanse
which means taking six pills a day of pills chock full of capryllic acid, pau d’arco, tea trea oil and garlic
but it more means
i’m not eating any sugar
or… anything sweet.
it’s slightly frustrating
but in reality
i’m noticing it’s keeping me from eating crap
and when i’m snacky
i’m eating healthier things
— i really like this
shouldn’t i just do it all the time?
though sweets are tempting
they never make me feel good
i wonder if i could just be off them . . . (i was about to quantify that, but what i mean is just that — off them)
refined sugar/bread/rice/etc are just drugs anyway
shouldn’t i break that addiction?
for any of you who look at my home page
i’ve given it some nips and tucks over the last few days
check it out
and tell me what you think
especially the face for conversations
as i’ve had those pictures in that directory most of the year
but just got around to making its face tonight
(and a hell of a lot of debugging too)
it’s simple.. but it’s there now.
now…
Now:
now to expand it.
i don’t think i’ve done N.Y. Resolutions since i was in high school
but i saw this in dennisatl ‘s journal and tried it just to see
In 2007, 
waltzingtree resolves to…
waltzingtree resolves to…
Go to shaman every Sunday.
Cut down on my channeling.
Volunteer to spend time with road trips.
Spend more time with my smiths.
Give some gay bears to charity.
Go to the art fags every month.
Cut down on my channeling.
Volunteer to spend time with road trips.
Spend more time with my smiths.
Give some gay bears to charity.
Go to the art fags every month.
Get your own New Year’s Resolutions:
it’s purty fuckin accurate
so i had to post it.
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