i left the shop so late last night
everything was frozen over
i let the truck idle for a while
warming up
i walked around
looking at the moon.
when i got in the truck
i switched the parking lights on just so i could read the dashboard
and when enough of the ice on the windscreen had melted
i pulled out
4:30 am
no cars on the road
i was over half way back home before i noticed i hadn’t turned the driving lights on
the moon was SO amazingly bright
i could see just fine
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i keep getting smacked with the feeling
of how many people there are in the world.
and i don’t need to be famous
coz… even if is were, like (um) Johnny Depp famous
there would be many many people who didn’t know about me and didn’t care about me.
where did this fucking fame bug come from?
am i so lonely?
there are SO many people in the world just living their lives
finding something to do with every day…
as i packed up the my stuff in goat’s house today
putting my stuff into storage
yet again
i thought of all the days people have
all the life lived
all the life wasted
and is there really anything wrong with just watching TV and smoking pot all day?
or drinking?
i guess i just want to have a full life experience
and some sort of noteriety is involved in that
do i have enough?
it’s a constant being, it needs to be nourished
and then my body
and then my emotions
and then money
and then stuff
today i was daunted many times by the immense puzzle that is life
as
yet again
i feel like i have to address square one.
[ until i make my own square one, (yes i see now, N) i will keep getting people trying to give me their square one…
which they’re doing because they don’t really have one either. ]
i’m doing this yeast cleanse
which means taking six pills a day of pills chock full of capryllic acid, pau d’arco, tea trea oil and garlic
but it more means
i’m not eating any sugar
or… anything sweet.
it’s slightly frustrating
but in reality
i’m noticing it’s keeping me from eating crap
and when i’m snacky
i’m eating healthier things
— i really like this
shouldn’t i just do it all the time?
though sweets are tempting
they never make me feel good
i wonder if i could just be off them . . . (i was about to quantify that, but what i mean is just that — off them)
refined sugar/bread/rice/etc are just drugs anyway
shouldn’t i break that addiction?
for any of you who look at my home page
i’ve given it some nips and tucks over the last few days
check it out
and tell me what you think
especially the face for conversations
as i’ve had those pictures in that directory most of the year
but just got around to making its face tonight
(and a hell of a lot of debugging too)
it’s simple.. but it’s there now.
now…
Now:
now to expand it.
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