endless endless
i had a dream this morning where i’m eating dinner
with Leo?
some restaurant
i go looking for the toilet
i end up somewhere i’m not supposed to be
it’s a place where people are… living?
not very large rooms
but strewn with beds, mattresses, cots
covered with bodies
… alive
but terribly deformed
asian… thai? chinese?
their limbs are all the wrong size
skulls huge and misshapen
completely hairless
pail
in fact
many of them are translucent
they look almost as if they have no bones
they lull around
slightly moaning
unable to move much
… there are many rooms full of them
— i forget about the toilet
i’m horrified
an asian man approaches me
he’s very angry
– You shouldn’t be back here!
‘ What have you done! ‘
i shout at him, as if he’s the cause
” We sold our genetics to an american company for good money ”
‘ THAT IS NOT GOOD MONEY ‘
i’m terrified
is this what we’ve been eating?
i wake up nauseous
turn on my side
try and cradle my belly
but my mind just keeps playing this through over and over
and i’m not sure if i’m going to vomit
or i need to shit
i close my eyes
and see those rooms full of people
i can’t make my mind stop recounting the events
i go to the toilet and shit for about a half hour
it just keeps coming out of me
empty
i feel so much better
Leo stumbles in while i’m on the bidet
takes a piss
and we both head back to his bed
i curl around him and we sleep another two hours
—-
he gets us out of bed at 9
we have to leave at 12
so we don’t have much time to see the city
i put all my stuff away
and we rush out into town
across the street there is a church having mass
beautiful old renaissance
simple building with fantastic baroque altar
but i don’t want to take any pictures while mass is happening
we walk out
and head to cross the river
— though i’m wearing more clothes
it’s still cold
i take some pictures of another building from the same area
: this town is ancient!
we walk up to the old gate
and i fotograph that
the fat bearded conquerors holding court up there
El Cid, etc…
through there
to pay our menial entrance fee to the Cathedral
this is the oldest church i’ve been in
gothic construction with Renaissance decorations
beautiful mythical creatures everywhere
in one chapel
everything is The Hairy Man
that wild beast of humanity who lives in the forest
wow..
so many beautiful faces
beards
silly
angels pissing
i take pictures of the lantern and many of the domed ceilings in the chapels
the way the architecture comes together is __ (running out of adjectives in europe)
gotta piss, though
no WC around
i run across the square to a bar and duck into the toilet
outside
is a statue of a pilgrim (to compostela)
he also looks hairy
naked
a shell on his chest
a staff with a gourd
hmmm
back inside
we walk through the cloisters
and Leo is concerned about time now
so we rush through the museum:
too much beauty
out the shop
round the square
we stop into some shops
buy some bread, meat and water for the trip
then another shop
some sandwiches and tortilla (that is, eggs, potatoes, ham and cheese)
head back to the hotel
throw our stuff together
and head out the door
the family is not around…
so we leave the key in the door (to our room)
and head out walking..
i’m sure there is a shorter way to the train station
but Leo doubts me
and he’s stressed..
that’s alright
yesterday i was stressed and he was calm:
we got there on time
today it’s him who’s stressed
so we walk the way he feels comfortable
back up to the main street
down
back around and down to the station
when we get to our platform (2)
i see we were about 15 meters away from discovering the shortcut
damn
and the train is five minutes late.
no 1st class on this one
all Tourista
we load in
i got a window seat
but the least window seat possible
mostly just staring out the wall
so we eat our sandwiches
and i pass out..
it’s Siesta time.
the first day we got to spain i felt it
but we couldn’t
the first full day we spent here i felt it
but we couldn’t: had to see the city
yesterday on the train i felt it
so slept a bit
and today i slept a bit as well
naps around noon are excellent
half hour
two hours
whatever
it’s SO good
and it’s in the air here
i am not much of a nap person
but i feel much better
however
my window position makes me despondent
i can’t see much
so i’m mopey
non-communicative
sad and bitchy that nayland hasn’t called
he doesn’t call
sure mercury is in retrograde
but he never calls
he didn’t call last night
he didn’t call last week
he doesn’t email
and he hasn’t called me today..
he still hasn’t called me
i’m sad
and feel it’s a waste of my emotions
so i’m angry
motherfucker
i listen to Brainiac’s “Fucking with the Altimeter”
which justifies my anger
loll around in Aphex twin
til i land on “The beauty of being numb”
so jump to “At the Heart of it all”
the two tracks he .. did for nine inch nails on “further down the spiral”
that reminds me
and i slip into Tori Amos
“Baker Baker”
– i’m so sad
slide over to “past the mission”
to connect the dots
where i fall into “bells for her”
and land on “song for eric”
can’t stop loving
you
can’t stop what is coming
and it’s on its way.
..
time
thought i’d make
friends with
Time
thought we’d be
Fly——-ing.
may—–be
not
this
Time.
ugh
the countryside is beautiful
the lush green
the rushing water
the farm lands
the pine trees now
high bridges
dams
waterfalls
old houses
old old towns
where i could never live
like i could not live in zionsville
but i like to see them
imagine life there
see the men at the train station watching the train
… they’re not going anywhere
but maybe they like to see the faces?
the beautiful men
full head of steel grey hair, tuft on the chest coming out through the shirt
that nose
that gait
ha!
there’s a boy watching Leo
as i sing to him
there’s a boy watching me
but mostly watching my camera, my ipod
eeeh.
we sit and eat
the train rolls on
switches direction
we flip the seats
we sit
we ride
we wait
eat chocolate
drink wine
throw away the moldy bread
on we roll
and now it’s night
so i have time to write
and we should be arriving in about 15 minutes…
——————————————————————-/
so
it’s raining
so
i get a map
so
we get a taxi
and fuck this shit
i tell the guy to take us to the centre of town
we’ll find a place from there
but as we drive into the town
i’m a bit confused
imagining Santiago de Compostela as a quiet pilgrim town
i’m confused by the traffic jam
it’s friday night
but all these cars
all these crap shops
where are we?
we pass hotels
‘ hotel ‘
i murmur
the driver echos it
‘ no, no hotel, hostal, HOSTAL ‘
i say
he explains to me that he sometimes works at a hostal
and should he take me there?
Yes!
right next to the cathedral
the Forest cafe/bar/hostal
but it’s full.
and that place down the street?
they don’t answer the bell
and the hotel behind them?
“complete”
yeah.
ok
we drive on
round a corner
down a ramp
… are these streets
i tell him to stop
there’s a hotel..
i go in
ask
Yeah, they got a room
€62 a night
… Alright.
we take it
give the driver a 10€ and walk up the three flights of stairs.
attic room
“Charlie Chaplain”
we passed up Isadora Duncan
“impossibly long white scarves”
(magnetic fields “Jeremy”)
low ceiling all at odd angles
one window
looks up at the chimney and the roof of some old building
like the window in Matthew Baine ‘s room…
(maybe he’ll google his name and find me again?)
i crack it for air
we lay down a minute
then head out the door
looking for food
what’s open?
it’s after 9
though we keep thinking this is late
it’s dinner time in Spain…
where no body speaks spanish
hmmm
we find a place just down the street
special of Cordero
ok…
get some beer
some wine
lamb chops
young lamb
young blood
sweet meat
young
blood
i keep saying things far too mean
i want to communicate everything
but it’s the wrong time
and i’m drinking
never have i drank so much
i drink with Leo constantly
it’s air
our food goes down
what can i say?
excellent fries
really fucking good
yummy lamb too
good rich beer, 1906
the old guy working the restaurant seems like an itinerant drunk
long beard, but spacey face
when he says good night to us
it almost sounds like italian…
we waddle back up to our apartment
and lay in bed a while
talking
then i decide to go out and see the town
it’s not cold
but there is wind
it’s not raining
though everything is wet
i don’t have the map on me
so i watch closely where i am going
feel things out
try and follow the route the taxi took
coz i wanted to see that area
and i’m nearly back there
but reach a town square
and there are people out
not tons..
this city is amazing
this old part
all the winding streets
everything done in brick
everything so dark
churches everywhere
i walk down a big street (big for midaevil streets… small)
noticing a man and woman standing at a window
curious and touching something on the glass
i look up
and it’s a big monitor
— they’re sending an email from the street
is there an internet cafe around?
i walk
following the flow of people
not that there are many
but seeing where they’re going..
they all look like they’re coming from somewhere…
like they’re all going home
but are they?
it’s a Friday night…
once again
my expectations about this being a devout town
clashes with the reality of the world
…
maybe they’re going out dancing
doing drugs
getting drunk…
i wander
now working on supposition
assuming i understand the layout enough to get myself back to where i came from
a group of kids approach me
the one who speaks to me
pale milky skin, a bush or red hair curling round his head
a face still in his teens..
i can tell his words are a practiced spanish… not his native tongue
he’s asking me where something is
i smile
and in a shmultzy deep voice, accentuating my American
i say
“i wouldn’t know”
then, in spanish
– i am also visiting. have a good night
he thanks me
i walk past some bars
filled with kids
and like a change of wind
feel i’ve had enough
so head back to the hotel
head up the stairs
Leo is asleep
i close the shade on the window
and
fall into sleep…
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