I wish i could take pictures of everything
but these windows are too dirty…
the endless fields of Snow..
these are only interesting passing them on a train
living among them can be oppressive
as Uli, the man in the sauna last night told me
“it’s the end of winter, the snow is grey: it is not the most beautiful time to be here”
the soul dies
dying
that’s what’s winter’s about
the soul dies
happiness and hope and imagination
all goes to sleep
we’re only a few days away from the Equinox, of course
i know it will all change
but that’s what i am
someone who is transient and knows all is transient
only being able to keep that presence by remaining IT.
he lives here
among the oppressive
beautiful
snow fields
someday they’ll be green..
next time i see them.
i’d take pictures of everything
the man with his son
playing with Legos…
what language are they speaking?
is it russian? polish? italian? wouldn’t i know that?
is it german? some austrian variation? some swiss?
but they are so blond
look much more slavic..
but that jacket, small checks, on the yellow-brown tone
and the way he wears his shirt open
blue
unbuttoned at the top, large lapels coming over the suit-coat
hairy chest undeniably visible
i can’t help but see it
his tired eyes
and how he has patience with his son
while is wife is else where in the train..
he’s not sitting next to me
but across
which is nice to see
— sitting next to him i would listen
to feel the warmth of his body
and that might be too much for him
i wouldn’t have that compulsion with his wife.
but i meant to write about
the sound barriers
out the window
three types
old wooden ones with louvre slats
corrugated steel, painted grey and covered in graffiti
and a newer wood… maybe faux wood? the top of those walls with slanting sheets of solar panels that go on quite a distance
then these forests
snow fields behind them
surrounding them
a contrast
life as a wood-cut.
we are on the train from Munich to Bologna
slept in
took the 11:30 train
which is a round-about train
a much-longer train
we have to wait for 45 minutes in Bolzano
then change trains in Padova
another equal wait
or longer
if we walk around
but we go on schedule
we won’t get into Bologna until eight at night
still
we could get in later
we don’t leave tomorrow until 13:45
which is plenty of time
to get gelato (if they serve it this time of year)
and take pictures of my lover in the square, Neptune
we leave from there to Roma, not really, just to change trains to Cavitaveccia
to catch our Ferry to Barcelona, leaving at 19:00
going all night
arriving at 15:00
kinda pisses me off we’ll be passing through the islands at night
Corseca and Sardigna
but we’ll see what adventures we can have.
—————/
back to the present here
we’re passing over the border into Austria
the snow is drifted two meters high in places
soft white blanket over everything
now a back drop of mountains
blue sky
but the air is hazy
beautiful day
the mountains more of a suggestion
except when they are highlighted by their snowy patches
—————–/
Russian:
i just saw the little girl show her mother something she had written:
in Cyrillic alphabet
———————/
slow going
twisty mountain rails
crystal blue water
Colgate blue
glacier water
gorgeous
the russian family got off in Innsbruck
maybe they were skiing?
some italian lady with a little red-headed boy
he keeps running up and down the hall
squishing his face against the glass
blowing his mouth up, pushing his tongue out
red face, pale skin, bright blue eyes
both Leo and i laughing
Italy
water’s frozen
but the snow on the mountains is nearly gone
everything
is
beautiful
——————-/
italy is so beautiful.
the dramatic cliffs
yeah, like california, sure
but more epic
the mountains open with a gate
what secrets lie in that valley?
the vynyards
the canals
the beautiful buildings
those in use
those forgotten
even beautiful in their dilapidation
like everything in italy
not kept up so much
but the beauty shows well in their age
…
now the west side of the valley is just haze and the mountain there is a sillouette
at 15:43 the east side is brilliantly lit
shadows getting longer
what a show
———————/
our cabin filled up
an old man and woman
then a middle age woman who was on her phone a lot
(who looked over and read what i was writing a few times)
and then a young woman making notes in a book she was studying
i fell into writing
glancing up at the beauty
staring out the window
then writing
remembering days
typing it all out
we got into Padova for the gloaming
and the half hour we waited pretty much brought on night
the train left at the end of twilight
so i’ve been writing for the last hour and a half
on an Inter Regio train now
the local trains
so students and workers and all
people sleeping
tired
chatting
a hubub
my body is tired
leo is tired
we’re a bit burnt out from the travel
and because i didn’t sleep well last night
nor the night before
my body is a bit shot
so we’re getting into Bologna in about 15 minutes
… gotta find a place to spend the night
and then go get something to eat..
though i have been enjoying eating the bread and cheese we bought yesterday in Munich…
so i’m not all that hungry
(one of the cheeses i bought was called Steinkäse… bubbly, covered in a green skin.. mold? when i ate it i felt fluish… hot and tired and sore… very strange. my tongue felt spicy — it was like i was mildly drugged… maybe i was having an allergic reaction? i ate some of my 100% chocolate and it cured me)
———————-/
Leo had this idea that we’d get into barcelona and walk out of the train station and find a cheap hotel
which sounded strange to me
but
OK
he was wrong.
outside of the train station in Bologna
is just very big
very expensive hotels.
so we walked around for a while
avoiding the Hotel Europa
we went down the street to another
but the guy at the desk looked like he was being nice to rabid dogs
and told us to go to the Hotel Astoria
we walked to it
towards it
couldn’t find it
i put down my bags and asked Leo to watch them
while i walked around looking for it
it was past where we walked
and the guy at the desk said “sorry, we are all full”
so much for looking like a homeless person, eh?
i walked back to Leo
and got my lap top out of my bag
opened it and…
found a signal.
yeah
so i started searching on line
enough to know
that any of the hotels in the city centre were going to be about €120 for us
which was the price we got from that other hotel..
so we walked down the back street
and asked Hotel Europa:
got a room for €109
that’s alright
still in ☿ Retrograde
the key-card to the room didn’t work
while waiting for Leo to come back with the desk clerk
i stood really still
in mountain pose
til all the motion-sensitive lights turned off
Leo got back
we got in the room
our WC has a bidet
so i just had to sit and shit and use the bidet
as i love them so very much
fulfilled
we walked out into Bologna
looking for something to feed the hungry Leo
in italy today is father’s day
St Joseph’s day
yeah.
Bologna is famous for it’s covered galleries
all the sidewalks are under arches
it’s beautiful
the ruins everywhere
the beautiful marble work
it’s beautiful
everything in italy…
we walked and walked
Leo so hungry
finding Trattiorias
we chose one called Pietros
had to wait a while to get in
but then the food was so good
i said
‘ beautiful ‘
in the loud room upstairs
waiter like Jim White
look at that
red wine
and
fernet
gnocchi verdi
and lasagna verdi
and little pastas with cheese and ham and asparagus
what’d i have for dinner?
fresh buffalo mozzarella cooked with butter and wild mushrooms
and some herbs
ohmygod
it was so good
food coma
i then had a salad
and that was enough!
Leo and i sat and listened
the waiter asked the germans at the next table what they wanted
a guy very near us said he wanted Café Americano
the waiter said
“Café Americano in Italia?” and shook his head in disapproval
this made me laugh
we were both very tired
it was already after 23:00 when we left the place
and walked home
following my nose
we got back
i used the bidet again
and Leo’s already asleep
as i should be
it’s 0:27
and i should be snoring as well
but a few more minutes
while i wear the battery down, yeah
love and
good night
“you can’t go on
thinking
nothing’s wrong”
terrible.
in Berlin
Leo and i were looking for Internet
we went into the Easy Internet monstrosity
and they were playing the general Hits Background music
it was The Cars “Drive”
which i’ve been hearing a lot lately in NYC
in Better Burger
waiting rooms..
i don’t think i ever paid attention to the song before
but it’s plaguing me
after hearing it in the Easy Internet
i couldn’t get it out of my head
so i downloaded it last night
and listened to it over and over
and over
meanwhile
i’ve been going to a lot of saunas here
twice in berlin
three times in Prague
then last night in Munich
odd
seeing that i went to a sauna ONCE in Peru, Once in NYC, and only one sex party the entire year i was in NYC…
so i’ve not been doing this much
sure
it’s different in europe
i like it better
you can have conversations…
you can also be fucked by drunk turks
if you let yourself
“who’s gonna tell you when
it’s too late?”
the untying of things
it’s startling
the story is unfurling oddly
and part of me is passive
watching it
listening
receiving the experience
another part of me is strategizing to defeat my struggles
the other has faith and doesn’t worry
but i’m still taking a beating over it
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