Wow.
the moon is full
the sun is conjunct venus at 23 degrees
and mars is exactly trine mercury at 15 degrees taurus, capricorn (respectively)
it would be a fabulous time for sex magic.
too bad i’m out of the game
[but thanks for playing!]
and i heard some faeries were coming up here to Easton Mountain for that very thing
smart lads
— someone’s been watching their calendars
me
i’m sitting by the side lines for a while
meanwhile
just watched a pretentious fucking NYC art film called “heights”
really don’t recommend it
— but it was nice to see Rufus Wainwright in an acting role:
too bad he was type cast
no stretch for him.
well, the whole movie was crap anyway
today i’ve been very hard edged
but hey
can’t please everyone all the time
— all relationships involve compassion, sacrifice and compromise
but it’s important to know the difference between that
and being a schmuck.
my friend Jeff is asleep now
he didn’t like the movie
and dozed off a while ago
after it was over
i talked on the phone til my battery died
and now i’m going to go sit in the hot tub
i’m tired
and kinda sore
but i know i’ll enjoy the moon
and
hey:
we gotta be good to ourselves
who else can we rely on to be?
ah
kick me in the stomach
knock me on the ground
pound me
no
just pay attention
anything
love me
i’m on a wind swept hill
(yeah)
and now the sun is gone
and now it’s cold
and the melting snow sounds like a river pouring down
i want to be worth something
i feel so worthless
can’t give you anything
anything you want
anything you’d ask for
anything you’d appreciate
Help
i feel unloved
i know it’s a two way street
and i’m alone out here.
naw.
i just finished giving a massage
and i feel pretty terrible.
but not because of him
not because of that
that was fun and nice and good
– but there’s this voice in the back of my head –
and my body feels terrible.
i’m just letting you know
long bright falling star
shoots straight down
four or five seconds
flashing red, orange
i saw it while laying in the water
looking up at moon
then i went and lay down in the snow
breaking the ice
feeling it melting under me
while my skin started to sparkle
and this morning
there were dreams
about going to take an AIDS test
where they test you not for virus
but based on your disposition…
then there was this house
where Thor was my uncle
it had belonged to his mother or something (some relation to me)
we converted it into gambling
but really
we were taking people’s souls
dubious
the house was mostly abandoned
and most floors were just packed with STUFF
dusty and dark
the elevator terrified me
but the people kept coming.
right now
i’m sitting upstairs
looking out over the hills
covered in snow
the farm fields seperated by narrow rows of trees
children’s crayons lines
not so straight
and the clumps of trees
some blocks
some, you might call forests
(on a bald man’s head)
the snow on the ground
black sticks not hiding it much.
the sky’s gone gray now
i guess it’ll be night soon
“when the day is short and the nights are long”
i went to sleep sometime after 1 last night
and woke sometime after 1 today
all that dreaming
i woke the first time and realized i hadn’t moved the whole night
so i rolled onto my left side
no one there to put my arm over
i woke later on my right side
my left hand tucked between my thighs
i had just rolled onto my belly (to finish the cycle)
when Jeff came in and woke me…
no wonder i slept so long
i really needed the sleep
the night before last i hardly slept at all
sorting out my music library
yes
making love with my ipod
til 5am
and the two nights before that
talking and movies and cuddling with Arthur
— i never really sleep with him
i just swim like fish with him all night
through dreams and body hair and where the arms are supposed to go
never even attempting sleep before 2am
and having been setting the clock (which is fast anyway) for 8am
coz i’ve needed to take the long N ride back into manhattan each morning to work on clients
couple from KY
and a nice jewish elder that listened while i conversed with him about why i’d loved jewish men
— where are all the mystics?
not certain what i’m looking for anymore
the world is still gladly giving me options
this morning
Harry said
“it is the father’s responsibility to have dreams for the son
but they shouldn’t be obligations”
am i looking for dreams to agree with?
am i just a river going through
looking for banks i’d like to rush through
enjoy that scenery
move some rocks
gather some soil
and leave some behind?
Yay for spending the entire day inside
oh, except for going out for breakfast
but that place is like the dining hall anyway
so it’s an annex of the house
whole day inside, yeah
woke up late
yeah
standing around in lofts last night
and, damn, it was cold before…
but the straight and the tight and the beautiful
a New York i wouldn’t often find myself in
talking about the new movies we’re producing
and living in Chile for a month with my new lover, the artist
i only smoke at parties
not in front of my daughter
– you think that’d stop me
– listen to teeth to learn how to quit –
yeah.
i forgot to type out other lyrics from them
she said
“but half-in-love is not complete
with only heat”
and i know that
there are different kinds of heat
— i don’t like microwaves
it’s not about quick (&rough)
did i lose you for a second?
sorry, i should let you in
but i just wanted to say
– swallowing words while giving head –
i’ve only got to type two more days into the journal from last month
oh damn
it’s two months ago now:
time moves so quick sometimes, eh?
[laughs]
i’ll have it up and running
when i’m off again
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