he wants me to write about him
all i think about is this new person in my life
his name is Joshua
today we went to chinese new year down in china town
and jeff bought me this beautiful fire cracker
and i exploded it all over Mott street
and a parachute came out
which means good luck
and everyone applauded and followed it floating through the air
so he feels very hopeful about our future
but neglects to remember that the parachute got caught in the fire escape.
i woke at about 6am from a terrifying dream
Robert and Allen had invited me to their new house
Allen was hiring me to give Robert a massage
since i’d seen them last
they had both got very thin
full heads of hair (fake)
coiffed
tasteless gay clothes
voices having gone completely …
gay
as if they had been purged of their personalities.
they were living in a trailer
then the house was a suburb
then the house was a large ornate artistic mansion
then the house was part of a church
and i was having relations with the minister’s assistants
or were Allen and Robert the assistants?
i couldn’t give Robert a massage
and i couldn’t leave til i did it
he kept coming up with excuses
and evading me
so i’d walk around
looking at things
climbing through the secret passages of the church
up over the altar
up the walls
under the horse
fine
when nothing was happening
but i started breaking things
climbing around naked
the priest was angry
right before mass
in the back room
on the bed
were bodies
gutted
ground up
fetid blood mingled with the sheets
they explained to me it was good food
yes
food
i was doing my best to take it all in stride
because they were
so it must be normal
eating the rotten dead bodies
i turned
and noticed that robert had taken his clothes off:
below his head was just a spine and rib cage
the gentle curve…
down into the rotten meat of his back
left leg gone above the knee
green rotten flesh hanging off
floating? or standing on his right leg
i felt the teeth in my mouth swell and pound
my tongue pushing on them
they came out like candy corn
i spat two in my hand
two others were about to come out
i did my best to keep them in
but they just tumbled out
more teeth
more teeth
red and black and throbbing
i woke from fright
confusion
denial
i forced myself back into unconsciousness
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