So
i’m leaving at 7:30 in the morning
heading to LAX
flying out of there at 12:55pm
landing in Lima at 11:55 pm
and then?
and then?
two days in Lima
then Iquitos
four days in the Amazon
then a few more days in Lima
then up to Cuzco
down …
to Machu Pichu for two days
then working back up
then a few days in Bolivia on Lake Titicaca
before reaturing to the US on the 28th.
i’ll do my best to post when i can
… meanwhile …
i had a very good morning
i didn’t wake up early
and was a bit wobbly still from the hang over
not so graceful
bumping into walls a bit
but
after enough water
Jim and i headed off to the mountain
and hiked..
for about four hours.
i got a bit of a tan
and a slight buzz in my legs…
Jim was wobbly by the end of it
— but we were working stuff out.
i took lots of pictures
Ahhh
to get up High.
i can’t believe i’m going to Peru.
— the day had conversations
and lots of stories..
some repeats.
lunch with Frank Martin
— he posted the pics i gave him on his website
if i could be so prolific!
i thought of so many things i wanted to write about
sex
massage
magic?
i don’t remember
lonliness?
gambling with age?
anyway
i’m tired now
and have no idea how i’ll leave everything behind..
but i will.
it was a good day
good massage
good cuddling
(thanks guys)
good stories
and
it’s always pretty amazing
here
the mass of people’s lives
from how long ago
damn
never enough time
and me to go around.
yes
sex should be fun
but a bit more than Play
so often
sex is a way of getting to know someone
and once i’ve gotten to know them enough
the desire
shall we say
has worn off?
sex is a nourishment
and many are starving
but sometimes it’s not enough
— and there are different flavors
in NYC i eat italian for the spice, really
but i could stand a steady diet of episcopal cuddling.
what’s the wish, then?
there’s a passing on of knowledge..
yes.
there’s the ReCreation of the world
of eachother
yes
it should be more than a few minutes
one passive
one active
it should be a dynamic dance
play..
sex is not something to base a relationship on
but it is certainly something to follow…
if it calls you
i love the sweat
the rush and push
that man.. that Teacher for Oakland
Oh!
i could imagine that going on forever!
but there are other feelings
of desperation
lonliness
need
not so good
but what was the good?
the chance meeting
the brushing of skin and fur
and the immediate stiffening and firing
yes
like that.
what more?
i still imagine it could be used to focus and attain everything
well… in part…
i went to the Pride Parade in Palm Springs
i’m not a Pride Parade kinda guy.
i’m not a Parade kinda guy.
the Parade bored me
i’m not interested in that, really
but all the beautiful men lined up to watch it..
that was great..
so i walked up and down the steet
talking
and taking pictures..
and lots of looking.
spying.
there were…
many hot men.
and christians who hated gay people
or
were
more importantly
afraid of being alive.
there were..
lots of people
beautiful
and the parade
many floats: empty.
most of the hot bears i took pictuers of
when i asked them
they said “why?”
they didn’t know they were hot.
people are so silly sometimes
aren’t we?
i saw old friends
that i don’t really like
and he doesn’t really like me
beautiful Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.
and…
oh…
he’s so cute.
i went back to the Desert Bear Inn with he and his Partner of 17 years, Greg.
Nice
cuddling and play
and pool
and on to Thai dinner
where
met up with us
— i sat through dinner again
and then went off to the Barracks
a bar.
[UGH}
i left immediately with a beautiful man named Steve.
he had to hide me from his lover (michael)
but the house was beautiful
his sweat was beautiful
the cross (lit up on the mountain top)
was beautiful
i had a great time
but there was such sadness
— i won’t talk about all of it
but Robert S in NYC/Michigan
reminding me of…
the hot passionate fully conected loving playful communicative sex
as a mistress
as a trend as a friend as an old memory
fucker
got a life already
so i was fun
it was fun
never really in my life
fucking dream
as i am, sargent.
he drove me back to the bar
where Frank was
and a really hot guy talked to someone
then walked in
Frank, i offered him a drink
— he wanted Peppermint Schnapps.
i bought him one… two came: one for me too
and a Hefferwissen.
and then this guy asked me “what’s with the hair?”
and he bought us all shots of Whiskey.
not scotch, fuck that: irish.
he’s irish.
his dick was a roll of dimes.
he was wearing a kilt.
we fell in love
fucker.
i loved kissing him
i loved my hands all over his body.
i loved it
i loved playing with him and talking with him and hearing him
and showing off
and he left without saying bye.
and i called him
and he told me his Hotel
but it was a lie.
and i called him and he said “NO, i’m going to sleep”
and i said
‘ men suck ‘
and now i feel kinda bad
and kinda drunk.
and i’m going to sleep.
i’m a fake
said my name was James
but
you know
i got through to Tech Support at 2am or something
and he knew
when the others didn’t
sorry to say
canadian boy?
not the chinese kids, not the black boy
nerd kid
beautiful kid
thanks man
he knew
did it right
and
mother fucker
i’m back on line
hopefully i can get gene’s ispq working again too…
but damn
but damn
somethings are so lonely
stare at the stars baby
dance, honey
and spin
off the ground
you know
like dancing and laughing and forgetting
like immersing your soul in love
go up and never come back down
(when just yesterday you were chastizing the world for wanting that!)
some times things are so difficult
i was trying to set up a wireless router for Gene
(and myself, of course)
but, in trying to configure Gene’s computer to run ISPQ properly
i knocked his computer off the network
having no idea how i did it
and having no idea how to get it back on..
eventually
it worked came back on its own…
in the mean time
i tried to set up the new router using Jim’s computer
which was fine
but it wouldn’t connect to the internet….
so i plugged in the old router: it worked.
new router: no.
Ok.
so i got everything working again as it was before i started it
then i called Verizon Tech Support
they taught me to go into windows through the command prompt
and… a command that wasn’t there back when i used DOS
“ipconfig”
with the tags
“/all” “/release” “/renew”
which managed to get me completely lost from the internet
and infuriated.
i had a headache!
this is a big deal for me:
as a kid
i had headaches all the time
i was sick all the time
i was angry all the time
i was sad all the time
and i didn’t want to sleep
didn’t want to eat
didn’t love
didn’t want to live.
those teen-age days have been circling the camfire with the ghosts and wolves for the last few years
i’m out in the desert
and getting bored feeding the fire
my friend in LA gave me a[nother] documentry on the war in Iraq
yeah? lies? Really?
Jim came in and took me to dinner at a near by indian resaurant
— all organic food! which i was pretty impressed by
… and the hostess lady was very attentive and concerned..
the food was good..
i just didn’t have an appetite
and eating seems so… Wrong sometimes.
we walked back into the house to Gene watching DateLine on NBC
what was the episode titled?
something like “operation Pevert” or something
i don’t fucking remember
but we walked in just in time to see them entraping gay middle aged men
by luring them with the idea of 13 year olds and 14 year olds…
bating them along
leading them to a house
and then filming them as they get discoverd
and the fucking anchor man fucking investigator pick
gloats and strutts around him
“got you in a hard spot, don’t we pervert.. you’re FUCKED now!”
power tripping
— reminded me of how i felt in school
being antagonized by people who were also weak and scared like me
but who had me overpowered by numbers
(like heterosexuals.. and terrified christian suburbanites)
anyway
then they gave all the vital information about these poor men
-where they worked, how much they made, their full names
and told you could go to WWW.PervertedJustice.com (or something like that)
to get their telephone number if you wanted
this was all done through AOL by a company called Perverted Justice that sets this shit up!
a poor man, a Rabbi, was fucking gutted as it all came to light
and
as our sexually-sick culture pranced about making all sorts of assuptions
throwing stones in our glass house
no questions were asked…
what’s with this country?
formed by so many religous fanatics
and from cultures that are pretty sexually repressed anyway
cycling back
surpressing so much desire and natural flow of enegies..
mutilating men’s bodies to cut down on the pleasure
who’s the perverts?
in so many cultures
homosexulaity is in the weave of all life
in Societies..
so much knowlege is passed and processed..
Cultured that way..
and in so many
throughout History
the sex between the young and the old has been so important…
and still in many today!
to villinize
to cause surpression
cause boils..
infuriated
i could not stand to watch it
wanted desperately to call that poor Rabbi on the phone and console him
appologize for my country
appologize for the world we live in
offer appreciation and love
ugh
yes, Sick
yes
world is sick
it all comes out as puss…
how many sebaceous cysts have i squeezed out lately?
fucking sick.
left on hold with the help desk
all computers disabled..
my phone rang
and it was someone wanting a massage
“needing some love”
and i jumped at the chance
though it was late…
i needed to go work my body
move myself
try and make the world a little better
coz i was feeling like i wanted to throw the whole fucking thing away
and i hate when i get like that.
so
i’m back
and i’m tired
but
damn
the stars were beautiful
and i know at least one person feels better than he did two hours ago
me too, a bit.
i started studying astrology because i noticed patterns through it.
and i still do:
on the 2nd
i had two clients.
both were Libras.
the Kidd i was staying with
he was too.
my client tonight:
he was too.
the rest of the folk i met there?
two Leos
one taurus
one picese
pretty much standards for me…
but what’s with the Libras?
there is a rip in the fabric ov my screen these days
tiny little whole
bottom right corner
like someone had pushed a pin through the image
and the nothing is rushing through
i wonder if it’s like clothes
or a parachute?
will it get bigger?
will i be exposed through it?
will i be sucked through it?
will it take over my life?
or let me fall to the ground on my own?
it’s kind of embarrassing to me that i’ve not hiked in the grand canyon yet…
but as i flew into LA
i woke up just in time
for us to fly over the four-corners area..
i looked for my 8-year-old self
marveling at the cliff dwellings…
eventually
green hills appeared
and then started to break
a huge gouge..
the sky was clear
i could see it coming
and i guess it was a waterfall..
or was that just haze?
the land was rent by a rift…
not like i’d imagined it
was that just a river over time?
so flat and smooth above it
other strange shapes..
the canyon opened into an underground mountain range
the levels were all strange
different
my eyes fluttered
i’m so glad i got to see it
what would i do with it?
who would i go with?
i wanna get lost…
as i explained it’s so difficult for me to get lost
even in unknown cities
though i sometimes use it in my imaginary conversations i have with people i’m late to meet..
it’s never true.
the only time i’ve ever noticed that it’s easy for me to get lost..
is when i’m following someone around
and i know only them
and street signs and details become a blur
pale in their light
of conversation and desires
i listen
and i respond
— it doesn’t matter where (or what) i am.
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