” it’s the past…
it’s in the Bracken…
Did something happen?
i’m like a butterfly
in a case
and i’m a number
in a drawer…
but NO
i don’t remember…”
when i posted that post about the terrible “good-bye” to Sheridan
Trevis’ girlfriend from 10 years ago commented on it:
she had googled the net looking for him
and found him with me
a spider
a keeper of the past
i gave her his number
and passed on…
on the phone with my brother a few moments ago
he told me he went to his 10 year high school reunion a few weeks ago
and this girl named Courtney came up to him and asked him about me
(didn’t know his name: “Are you Nick’s brother?”)
— she wasn’t surprised at the life i’ve led
then she paused and said
“is he still hanging around with Sheridan and Trevis?”
-No, he said
“good, i didn’t think he would be: they were always so poisonous to him and he never saw it… i’m glad he finally did”
i hope i never leave butt stains on things
i know it’s not the most terrible thing in the world
but i’ve got a virgo rising
and i always make sure my butt is clean
there’s a butt stain on the sheets from where he sat
i suppose it’s not gross in any way
for someone who’s into scat
So Yeah
how’d i take it?
i took it in stride
i didn’t find a ride
so i made a ride
there were people interested
and flaked out
but then…
stoner traveller kids
Yeah
my friend Otto drove me out to the airport
i wish i wasn’t sick
or i would have loved to have played with him
but
instead
we spent hours in bed cuddling
— it was nice.
when i got the car at the PDX airport
i turned right instead of turning left
— wrong way for the interstate
as i did a U-Turn
the right front wheel burst.
Ok.
Mercury Retrograde
i took it in stride..
but it took another hour
to fill out the paperwork
and get another car
and then drive down and pick up the kids
then we drove out of town…
on the way down
we picked up a hitchhiker who wanted to be dropped off in Medford…
he’d been there before
and had never met anyone going there
so he decided he would live there.
Yup.
we drove
i drove 310 miles before i relinquished the wheel…
we tried to find a swimming hole
it was Men Only at Wolf Creek (the radical Faery sanctuary)
so the girl couldn’t go in with us
didn’t find the swimming hole
but found lots of blackberries
ripe!
plumb
LUSH
i picked a bunch for myself
and then two handfuls to share with the other kids…
when we dropped off the guy in Medford
the other two took the wheel
and i drifted off to sleep.
on first waking
i was worried about my computer: did that guy steal it?
and were these kids really gonna pay me?
i realized i was freaked out
i didn’t trust anyone
but i was compassionate with myself about it
a girl i’d known forever had just fucked me over.
grrrrrr
i hate feeling so raw
and SICK!
i was still stick
feverish
i went back to sleep
and woke up right before we got to the Vallejo Rest Stop
i told the kids about how gay men cruise
they were all wierded out
but interested
i drove us into the city
dropped them off in golden gate park
(they had been traveling all summer
sleeping under bridges
in parks
jumping train cars…
they only agreed to rent a car and drive down with me coz they NEEDED to get there at a certain time and it was the cheapest way they’d found)
this is where they had stayed before
they were just gonna find some nice bushes to sleep under
and it was fucking COLD!
san francisco… Queer..
i drove to pick up my friend Lucien’s from the Lone Star
and he had a cute boy in tow… back to his house
parked the car
sat up smoking pot
and being Dominic
telling stories
i was tired
but still explanatory
the pot didn’t really knock me
and i made some really nice Sage, Yerba Sante, passionflower, oatstraw Tea
for my throat
at this point
it was excruciating to swallow…
i went to sleep with Lucien
and sweat sweat sweat
the bed was still drenched in the morning
as it had been every night since i left NYC…
i ambled down stairs and got the car
drove to Union Square to drop it off
and then
walked down to Dore Alley
things were bad for me
i could hardly drink
and had diarrhea at this point from being DeHydrated
but it was Kinda on the way
and i knew i’d run into friends
and i did… ahh
it was so nice to see all my SF friends
so many of them were shocked to see me
— i got interviewed by someone for their PodCast
and an old friend walked up and gave me a pot brownie he’d grown and baked himself
well
the day started to disintegrate after that
and the people i met i was less inclined to remember and interract with well
they started saying “Boy, what drugs are you on?”
i guess the dehydration and fever made the marijuana apparent?
i had to get the fuck out of there
but each time i tried to leave
i kept ending back up there
i have NO idea how i got home
i don’t remember the walk
and don’t THINK i got a cab
coz i kinda remember turning onto the alley…
anyway
Lucien was there when i arrived around 4 o’clock
even he said i was stoned out of my mind
so he headed off to Dore (and was greeted by a dead body: he didn’t stay long… i guess someone died on the dance floor?)
and i layed down to take a nap…
and didn’t wake up until 3:34 am!
YEAH!
FINALLY! I GOT SOME SLEEP!
i drank some water
had a piss
played a game of solitare
and slept again until about 9am.
Lazy Morning?
yeah.
i’d planned to fast
but went out with Lucien to meet with Leo at Delesio’s
it hurt to eat
but it was great to see Leo again…
we drove around
talked
headed over to the east bay
i was Very Out Of It
but happy…
we picked up Nayland at the airport around 8pm (his plane was late)
and then headed north…
got to the cabin at nearly 11, i guess
i don’t remember
but Leo made something quick to eat
and we settled in to sleep out on the bed under the stars..
so happy to be home here…
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