UGH!
i stood in line TWO HOURS!!
===(what the advertised: it only took an hour, really)
walked through the brooklyn museum
in front
a beautiful
orange dress
afro
o-eyes-o
Rodin everywhere
by the time i stopped playing games on my MOTO
HELL
here in hell…
behind me
stuipid NOYs
the dumb straight hair
“is that the gates of hell thing their talking about? that big dorr over ther… duhhh, waht’s tha dorr abouut?”
i wanted to smash them
“ughh.. so long, wait so long.. uh. is it worth it”
fucking bschz
i turned and said
‘ it’s just ignorant art… he’s ignorant… ‘
really tempted to flat out say ‘ you shouldn’t waste your time ‘
meaning
” GO THE FUCK AWAY ”
or just run arround baahhhhing like a sheep
” i saw this on the train, look at all these people, i should be here too! ”
on the wall
interview
someone easked him
“is there anger in your work?”
‘ yeah, it’s about 80% anger ‘
“but there humour there too, right?”
‘ people laugh when you fall on your ass…
what’s humour?”
i walked around
my eyes straying over the works
i was snapping pictures with my camera
the gaurds threatened to throw me out if i did it again
occasional cell phone calls gave me the excuse to grab little ones …
jittery art…
reminded me
of my first time in New York City
with Leslie
we found a large piece of wood
coverd in canvass
we bought paint
white-out
duct-tape
cut it
stuck poles through it
scribbled words and images all over it for an hour or so
… left it in SoHo
wondering if it’d sell for millions…
reminded me
of that summer
on the roof top with JP and Eli
the large long rolls ov paper layed out
eli making a tryptic of WOMAN
i made a jittery sketchy messy man in a suit (as i always drew and painted back then)
i must have been channeling Jean Michel
i must have been getting the same demon channel he tuned into
the words
what’d i write?
“my hands can’t hold the shape of reality, i have to crush it and shake it to make it fit my life”
-///////
i imagined a doctrine on the subway today:
– they tell us we have diseases because we are incompatable with their reality construct
they teach us to treat ourselves as victims
instead of empowering our differences
our glitches
our strengths
our magic mutations that give us the perspective and texture on this reality that others lack
fucking mono-culture-monsters
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\-
in a conversation with bridget last night (this morning)-
i feel like i’m sliding back into my terrible teen-age feelings
judgemental of everything
angry
sad
so sad
drowning
struggling
quick-sand!
stupid
i’m fighting it!
but am i supposed to go into it? go through it?
i’ve done that already
and it SUCKS
should i just live with it?
back at Basquiat
i thought about grabbing it
in this city
feeling the pain
Compassion
Empathy
grabbing onto it like a live wire
and riding it like a fucking tidal wave
connect it to sourse
translate it to culture
ARTIST
let it spit out
shit out
make it whole
connect the circle
—
there are far too many things i don’t understand
and i’m losing my gripping…
i’ve been meditating frantically for the last week
i can feel it relaxing me
and the reiki..
i can feel it healing me
i whimper sometimes when i’m doing it
— i’m not doing all that bad
i’m just …
i had a dream when i was up in the country of sleeping with my brother
the bed was metal
i could feel the energy between us
i had to dissapate
i was scared
well, not… but i knew what would happen
and didn’t realy want…
i reached out and touched the bed-post
and the current flowed through me
a thousand times stronger than static electricity
i let my finger lay
course through me
there was a sound
floor board creaking
he got up to check it out
while i lay there in the dark night
thinking what a paranoid freak he could be
: no one was breaking into the house…
but then he came running back down the hall
and just as he got to the door way
the man caught up with him
and beat him to a pulp with an aluminum baseball bat
i staggered
tried to back away
fell off the bed
legs tangled in the blankets
the man loomed over me
with fear and confusion in his eyes
he raised the bat
and started raining it down on me
i woke up terrified and sweating at 4 am
— there’s a lot of fear around
-{“do you feel like a chain-store?”}-
— Alex Graham
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