but, of course, bitching makes bitching makes unhappiness makes unhappiness
i don’t want to spread that around
ooops! did it again
i’ll be quiet now til i feel something better to say
it’s a beautiful sunny day outside..
squishing through the morning dreaming
the first boy i ever had sex with
T.E.D.
we’re in my parent’s Barbie Dream House
but there’s an apocalyptic burning-barn fire-scene happening outside
(which actually happened… so maybe this dream is dated to when i was 15)
he’s really sad
he’s telling me how he’s going to kill himself
— i’m asking him why
i’m trying to convince him otherwise
and he blows up at me
“DOMINIC! you’re ALWAYS trying to kill yourself and you’re ALWAYS giving me more reasons to do so faster than I come up with reasons to live”
i feel bad about this
but can’t really defend myself against it…
amdist this small drama (because neither of us kill ourselves)
there is a party going on
in that desolate Indiana way
cold and damp
bon-fires
people standing around all bundled up
through the rain
tents
sheds
wandering through the masses
what are we looking for?
sex?
friends?
somewhere to not be cold tonight?
—
i wake to Plumpy bouncing on top of me after Plumpy has thrown a pillow on my head
(didn’t push down)
he says
“i’m sorry you don’t like san francisco”
and i say
‘ but i like Plumpy… the Plumpies are my favourite people in San Francsico ‘
Plumpy Lumps!
hmmm
slept with paul
woke up
slowly
so slowly
then watched “Cannibal: The Musical”
started sifting through emails and trying to figure out what the fuck to do
the guy who offering me his room in cole valley didn’t call back
what the fuck was i going to do?
well
let me tell you
it came through:
i found a place to live
but it’s my little secret
i’m not going to talk about it
til i’ve moved in and feel secure about it
i want to protect it, nourish it, keep it concentrated
so i’ll tell you about it as it blossoms
but it’ll be about two weeks from now
anyway
that makes me feel great.
then i went to visit this guy
http://www.huskyhunk.com
http://danielwasko.com/sexwork
http://fatart.org
he was great
we cuddled and talked
and that was night
then a massage client i had met in the past
saw my ad reposted
and called me round 10:15
so i went off to give a massage
which was GREAT
took a cab home
and paul let me in
now it’s two
and time for sleep
love ya
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