oh god
it smells so good in here
to light a fire…
drag in the whole manzanita tree picked up from the wreckage outside
roots first
burn
it smells so good
and now i’ve lit a fire
it’s not so cold
i look outside
and everything is bathed in light
oh god
it’s so
“BEAUTIFUL”
i shout into the forest
the forest without leaves!
bare forest!
winter forest!
“BEAUTIFUL”
i scream
and start running around
“AND YOU’LL ALL BE COVERED IN SNOW IN A FEW DAYS?!?!”
Leo told me a huge snow storm would be upon us by saturday through wednesday
WOW
a white christmas or something
it’s so fucking beautiful up here
the stars are all like glitter fish
like flassing daggers
swimming back and forth between the black branches
i made twittering bird sounds into the night
animals scattering through the leaves
i heaved my feet back to the house and opened the door
OH GOD! IT SMELLS SO GOOD IN HERE!
i got a driver’s lisence
got my passport
my mobile phone
got a laptop, digital camera
and 200 hundred books
too many clothes to wear all at one time
but not a kelly-green button-down like i wanted today..
8 pairs of boots
and a hankerin’ for a home…
“welcome back boy, settle in and stay a while”
i went to the Bank today and set up a
Saving’s account
a Secure Credit Card (to build my credit coz i never have before…)
and a Checking account
(so i can use paypal… a lot of people i’ve seen lately have this “donate” button… what a great idea! sometimes people hand me cash out of ability and appreciation anyway… now it can be done so randomnly on line, eh?)
now i can buy things
now i’m a full grown man
i don’t need to borrow your phone
or your credit card number
or your computer
or your shoes
i’m responsible for what i do
and i’m making a future for myself
putting something away…
(freedom?)
i’m giving myself til the Equinox to decide if i’m going to buckle down and get an apartment and be stationary in my own place for a few years
or head out of this country to tackle my other desires
any votes?
i was gathering wood outside
found an entire tree that had been cut down
cut into thirds
so
big pieces
in decending order…
the largest gouged my hand
made a long rip across the palm towards the wrist
i winced through it
and carried up the hill
handing it up to Leo on the upper poarch
so we could burn it all night for the solstice.
then the blood started oozing out
i went to the kitchen and washed my hand thoroughly with Dr Bronner’s Lavender Soap
and then held it out from me
not touching anything
and hardly moving my hand
for about 4 hours
( i took a nap )
i haven’t washed my hand or got it wet or used it vigoursly since then
it’s been about three days now
i still have a dark line of clotted blood across my palm
i will wash it tomorrow
– it’s healed
and now i launch into a lengthy diatribe of my thoughts on disease and hygene
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