Date: Sun, 9 Mar 2003 20:50:06 -0800 (PST)
From: “de nada” Add to Address Book
Subject: my ideas of giving and recieving
To: “Enda McCool”
well, i didn’t start bottoming until i was 18
i was scared of it!
the first guy who fucked me was 50 something
it was so hot!
he fucked me for about two hours
and i remember laying there in a puddle on the bed
with my head blown off
>>OH! THAT is what Sex is all ABOUT!<<
i wanted to get fucked all the time after that
the next guy really hurt me
the next few really hurt me
then i got warts up my ass
and stopped getting fucked for two years
good thing i did, i think
i've just really started getting fucked again over the
last year.
now, unfortunately, i don't know how well i can
explain this to you
because
you say
you don't "believe" in sexual energy
um
do you believe in any energy at all?
hello?
(laughs)
do you believe in the chinese energy meridians?
do you believe in Lay Lines?
do you believe in Reiki?
do you believe in magick?
sex is the most powerful act we have at our finger
tips
IT MAKES ENTIRELY NEW PEOPLE
yeah, generally
when a man fucks another man
if you look at his face
there is anger there
or fear
or some weird fucking domination thing going on
which, as far as i understand, is all about insecurity
if you are secure with yourself
you don't need to dominate another person
i remember reading that
with the Greeks
generally
the mentors wouldn't actually FUCK so much
they would to frattage
between the legs
because penetration WAS demeaning in their society
i have been love-fucked a few times
and anger-fucked a few times
and really
i am a picky person
it is rare i get satisfyingly fucked
i'm much more of a top, anyway
i've still got a LOT to learn about bottoming
because it's RECIEVING
pathic
laying back
suffering it
taking it
it's hard
hard to relax and recieve
for me…
that being said
i've noticed that whenever someone fuckes me
i get some of their energy
that being said
only two people have cum in me over the last two years
so far as i remember
two.. three?
not many
it's just too… Much.
i would say dangerous
but that's not right.
having someone open your root with their root
is one thing
having someone dump their seed
the material manifestation of their life energy
that which they use to create another life
that which they use to pass on their story
having that planted in your root
well, that's a little too much for me, often
i mean
ideally
i'd love to find a partner i love
and want to be sewn by
but
i'm picky
in the past
when i've had peole cum in me
that i DIDn't trust
or even KNOW
it just fucked me up
and i had to do a lot of work to get myself clear
again
still, i love it
intimacy
the taking in
joining
union
when fucking
that's what i focus on
loving that person
and making my cum an exlir of love to shoot in them
bless them in some way
eucharist
generally
i'll fuck someone
( i don't use condomns much )
cum in them
then keep fucking them for a while
coz once i've CUM
i've arrived.
once i'm there
i can be there with my mate
always better when he shares this consciousness, of
course
because then we're there together
we can go places
inside of eachother
and …
but that's my trip
any questions?
(wink)
…dominic
— Enda McCool wrote:
> I forgot to ask you what conclusions you have drawn
> from you own experience of bottoming. Since you
> began
> having sex with older men at age 12, you must have
> had
> more experience being fucked than I ever will.
>
> I was just reading a study of Greek male-to-male sex
> that argued that bottoming was looked down on
> because
> it lowered the status of the bottom to that of
> women.
>
> The worst was for an older man to let himself be
> fucked by a younge. But even the younger bottoms
> were
> not supposed to enjoy it. They were supposed to give
> themselves just out of admiration for the older man.
>
> For a younger man, being fucked was not so bad
> because
> it was considered natural for boys and youths to
> pass
> through a period of inferiority to older men and it
> was only temporary.
>
> Fucking a guy has often been seen as a way of
> punishing or humilating him. A good excuse for the
> top. Anyway, I enjoy being topped as long as I think
> the fucker likes me and respects my humanity before
> and after fucking me. Greater love hath no man but
> to
> give his asshole to a big buddy.
>
> Jerry
> —
>
Date: Wed, 5 Mar 2003 22:43:14 -0800 (PST)
From: “dominick vyne” View Contact Details
Subject: something about Kansas
To: “Tony S.”
Hey Tony
so, you’re a star
you’re busy as hell
way too many emails
that’s ok
and it’s well understood
so get back with me on this when you can.
i drove back from arizona when i was 20
that is, back to Indiana
took apart my child hood room in my parent’s house
( i had the walls completely covered with clippings and pictures and
writings )
and helped re-paint it.
a passing on…
traded my car in for a little pickup
and heading to Michigan
chicago
wisconsin
Iowa
Kansas City, Kansas
and Lawrence
on the way from Iowa to KC
the transmisson blew out
but i rode it into town
and stayed with a friend there
it took a month before i could leave
whereupon i met the guy who inherited the William S Burroughs estate
his long time editor
and was split between that strange reality in Lawrence
and the strange reality of Kansas
tonight, i was reading a poem
she’s on a long trip from toronto
across america
at the part where she gets to kansas
her car breaks down
four days for her
slightly longer for me
now… i don’t really like the two people i still know in Kansas
i’m not really on speaking terms with the guy in KC
and the guy in Lawrence just thinks he’s so great
and it’s so boring talking to people who think they’re so special
that is
if they don’t see how special you are at the same time
this occurred to me
when i thought of you
you’re special
and being told you’re special
not just by me:
my limited eye being attracted to your flesh
and the few words you’ve used to present yourself
and the many you’ve used to explain your truancy
and you know your special
do you know much about breakdowns?
are you from that town?
what took you to being there…?
was it intentional?
are you already in love?
with yourself? with another?
are you looking for something?
do you know what you got?
is this a welcomed wash through the beautiful emptiness that is the
midwest?
what kind of love do you need, love?
get that transmission replaced…
what stories can you tell about cars…
and your heart in the earth
and feeling the heart of your lover?
i know i’m way overstepping my bounds here
but that’s me
a circue performer in the ring of human emotions and the banks of the
rivers we flow in
i thought i’d fish for you
and see if i caught anything
anything worth jumping in the river for
blessings
…dominic
Date: Wed, 5 Mar 2003 22:30:17 -0800 (PST)
From: “dominick vyne” View Contact Details
Subject: DO WHAT YOU CAN
To: “give me a reminder”
i just got up to Leo’s
i love it here
it is so beautiful
and like the houses of our hosts
( our friend/lovers [but not our soulmates]; “America”…)
it is so neglected.
my brother drove me up
late late last night we got here
it was fun
and i was so tired
had to fight to stay awake the last half hour
tilted my head back far and stared up at the stars and the car
zoomed…
walked with my brother and his new girlfriend
i am happy to see him happy
i’m always happy to see two people happy together
i’m very hurt that these two midwesterners cannot be but what they are
and interract in the standard midwestern heterosexual way
Male dimminishing his mate
female glad to love and be loved
on those terms
UGH
i wanted to tell them to part until they both grew
wanted to tell them not to do it like that
but it’s like telling people not to cook their food
how can you say it without sounding extremest… stupid… offensive?
it’s not my place.
that’s how it was in portland too, seeing sheridan
the whole situation there
and their lives based in settling with a reality rooted in fear
“and that’s all…”
but it’s not my place to tell them
it’s just my place to live my life
and i don’t want to live that one
so i was a visitor
and passed on
now i’m up at Leo’s.
Leo is often too busy
and this house is soooo neglected.
when my brother left i swept for a few hours
moved things around.
sighed a lot.
i have a lot of work to do
but also because Europe realy tired me out.
it was a lot of work
and will continue to be so.
love
attempting to love
SO HARD
tired me out.
so so much did i try
that i neglected myself
and now i will love this house
and i will love myself
and i will rest.
open for visitors until the new moon
then closed for the waning
for me to be quiet
for me to be inside
fasting and resting
listening.
Leo get’s back late march, near the new moon.
we will fast together
we will spend a week or two together
sleeping together
not having sex
fasting.
then yacov will come
(who knows about the future?)
Yacov amazes me
he’s so fucking annoying.
all of my negative traits
AMPLIFIED
and WAY out of control
and totally blind
but with such a good heart
well,
we will travel south
then east
Texas?
Oklahoma?
New orleans, i think
i will leave him there
and take a bus?
hitch hike?
walk 10,000 miles?
i will knock on your door
or is it unlocked, can i just walk in?
Have you Seen “Bowling for Columbine”?
would you like to go to Short Mountain for Beltane?
perhaps Yacov and i could pick you up and we could all go together
perhaps just you and i
perhaps not.
Yacov said
“when you get there
DON’T talk about any of your personal issues
just enjoy eachother
if you want to do therapy shit
go to a therapist”
and i thought about laying out the lines
drawing up contracts!
and i remembered how we speak to eachother
not with detailed words
we talk with our bodies
our food
our hands
our eyes
our tongues
our holes
wholly wholly wholly!
we will remember our language together
and expand it.
all of this is hither nor thither
i look forward to being in love with you again, my dear
(wink)
see you soon.
…Vorpal blade went Snicker Snak
he came galumphing back
what else could he do?
— Robert Pittenridge wrote:
———————————
Thank you for calling me…hearing you is what I needed. Everything
started swimming back into place. Since the day I wrote you and said
“No”, its all been static, no good, no good at all.
I was hurt, I was miserable, I was longing for you…I kicked my heart
back down time after time.
I brought your photos with me to Little Rock, and the painting of you,
I was talking to them and not to you…My mistake for months and
months….always to the flat images of you and never to the full
fleshed out shining version. Fantasy. Masterbation when it should be
manifest.
I love you. I always have, since the first hours of being with you. You
are the most beautiful, mostest one.
I had a conversation with Alan last night….He said: ” I dont
understand why you and Dominic are not together, you two have such
passion for each other..” “I know you love him…” “He challenges
you, and you need that.”
And then Angy said tonight: “Your face always brightens, and your
heart swells when you speak of him, you know you love hime deeply…do
something about it.”
They are right. You are right. I was right(once upon a time) I love
you. We complete a circuit.
You share my dreams, you understand. You really do, unlike anyone else
can.
Oh, and by the way, Im sorry for trying the asshole shit with you…..I
realized that it was stupid. But I had convinced myself that you would
be better off to just let you go…better for you, I didnt want you to
waste your time, to miss out on finding something I wasnt sure I could
give. Its hard. I so wanted to hold you when we were together in SF. I
was sad all weekend. No one else comes close. I was a dummo…I have
been for too long.
I’m really tired of being scared of you, it, us.
mumble mumble…I dont know what else to say at the moment…
Thank you for never giving up. Thank you for being a star. Thank you
for loving me.
I love you. Im still here for you…and Im glad that I can still feel
you. I wont push you away again.
Come visit Ruby Hill, please. Lets spend some real time together again.
Take my hand again…I was wrong to withdraw it.
Alan wants me to send his love and invitations as well. “He’s Family,
and family is always welcome.” He said.
How about it Boyo?
Message found in a fortune cookie: “DO WHAT YOU CAN”
Robert Pittenridge
www.avalon.net/~asmorti/robbear.html
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