From: “wind for the sail-boat” Add to Address Book
To: memorabilia23@yahoo .com
Subject: lamb and love
Date: Thu, 31 Jan 2002 18:39:47 -0800
love and lamb
something to feed the horses
long expeditions
spinning on
and our
into the evenings
long expectations
long shots
well
it’s not all in the chance
and i cnanot say it’s skill
i cannot explain it
let me try and tell you about it
i walked
o fuck
i can’t even say down
i walked around.
round
down
into to the cellars
up to the attic
looking
i was looking
my most common experience here is people asking me
“what are you looking for?”
before i gave away my bag
they were always asking “what’s in the bag”
“follower of rashnish?”
something cranberry
clean out this piss
‘ what am i looking for?
good question.
but really, i’m not looking for anything.
i’m just walking
just seeing
just hearing
dancing with
working with
playing… not searching
not looking for it
being there. . . ‘
something like that
but i have to be careful what i wish for
and i know for a long time now i’ve been doing my best to avoid wishes
no
desires
no
dreams
no
Drama
yeah, drama.
but all that land of good intentions isn’t going to get me far
not when i leave the door of oppurtunity open for me to waltz through
into
wherever.
i found myself in a house
i found myself in drama
somepeople
that’s what they make with their lives
i know the score
of the whole piece
know all the moves
well, of course i could learn more
but
not right now
not like that
ugh.
lessons
images
reflections
fucking freaking out
talking like a maniac
like me
a thousand times doubled.
but that’s not the point
i’m just telling you that i am walking back into the world
not to get lost in it
no
thanks
but
no
but to experience it
i will not be what others are
i will be what i am
whatever that is
and what i grow into
have to be with other people
and know that they fall in love
know that older men want “boys”
know they want children
no
not babies
no
sons
kinda
fertile fields
places to plant their seeds
grow a-new
especially in an earth they know is beautiful and virile and creative
already
merging
companionship
yeah….
i got caught by the moon
on maandag
moonday
bathed in the light
“undo”
bathed in the sound
missing the meaning?
in a park
after leaving the arms of Hans
[“father”]
wanting to be in the arms of one
sleeping
warm
flesh
flesh
warm
loving
sharing
wanting
yes
this is drama
well
living
honesty
where did this come from?
not the honesty bit
but this emotions
this long-lost morrissey dream
“and as i climb into an empty bed, oh well: enough said”
gene sings
“don’t turn the light out and leave me: this bed feels cold and empty”
and in the past i…
fear ful of sheets that took my heat
how many times did i say that?
how many boys have i turned away?
but it was this moon
it was the end of the day
and it got me
so i know
i know the yearnings of the heart
the mind
the spirit
the ego
“take me home”
“Give me a home”
“be my home”
ugh
hungry.
i walked the streets
last night
tonight
and the night before, even
stopping many times
pizza does not satisfy
falafal is good, but…
showarma is what i need
and need
feed and feed
eat many of them in an evening
dripping with curries and onions and grease
tonight
it was good
i was all night looking for he
he
who i found last night
took my eyes off the moustache
yeah, i love these guys
but they seem to all wear cologne
and spend most of their time in dark corners
it’s as if all my standards don’t hold up here
tonight i was looking for him
and didn’t find
and didn’t find
but found Jan
and went off to go home with him
just to clear the stage, i guess
coz riding the bike together just wasn’t working
so i made my way to walk home
but decided i needed a showarma first
coz the pizza just isn’t satisfying here
and gravity pulled me back to the bar
the date was made for
and i walked in
and saw him
and we both just stopped and smiled
approached
well
besides jack daniels and jaggermister
the rest is just a story.
it is time for me to sleep tonight.
i have had enough lamb
enough sacrifice
the story?
the story about masks…
perhaps i’ll tell you about it sometime
just ask
i will flesh out these tales as the days progress
good night, babes.
love
…dominick–>
…vyne~~>
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