From: “wind for the sail-boat” Add to Address Book
To: dreamwill@.com
Subject: dreams and other stories
Date: Mon, 21 Jan 2002 09:17:26 -0800
will…
a few nights ago i was staying in Egmond on Zee
woke
from a dream i had
laying next to my Leo
dream-scatter
my mother
face down in the grasses
next to the van
you walk behind it
i cannot see
but come around and see you there
kissing the back of her neck
look up at me
shy and somewhat shocked…
you come up with a smile
my father approaches
full-on military gear
he’s got a few knives tied to certain spots
gun in a holster
and large automatic rifle in his hand
“i’m not hunting, i’m scouting out the land”
i feel he’s lying to me and approach him like a lover
searching for a kiss
but grab a knife and pull it from its sheath
hold it against his throat
‘too much precaution can get you killed, daddy’
and i realized then
my pronounced antipathy for my father
as he is representing the man
who was your lover
and lives on your land
there he was, as if he’d never lived there
with a possee and munitions
looking for how he can exploit the land
hunting and farming
i don’t know what
you were part of my family
abused by the father.
groggy early-morning by the zee
leo got up
we had a coffee down stairs
and he headed off to church
and i walked along the sandy beach for a few hours
sand blowing into all of my crevices
snot flowing from my nose
forced out by the wind and the cold
kicking up the sea foam in my large black boots
blowing into nothing in the wind
past the galloping horses
and the sand that had dried
lifted from the surf
blowing across the beach
like spirits
i followed it up to the dunes
over the hill
all the little farms
the town in the distance
i walked my way back
through the very-old town streets
past the museum of warm impliments
churches telling me the time
tourist shops seelling travel goods
from far off lands
i’d been too
people looking at me like a curio
but when i got back down to the beach
a group had gathered there
filled with families and dogs
a woman walked out of the café
and spoke in dutch for a while about something
and everybody
smiling
walked down into the sand
unleashing their dogs on the ocean
yapping and nipping and running around
[i always like seeing dogs free and playful among their community]
i watched them
and a man walk past me
my eyes followed him
a face like yours
but long and full grey beard
gold hoops in his ears
but eyes searching like…
i walked over and stood next to him
in his leather jacket
and gaze far-off
he turned quickly and headed into the town
i never know when it’s alright to approach a man
even less sure in a country i am foreign in
but the guest you suggested i meet up with
fate has decided to align me with
Martijn
is also the friend of some Bryan i met in San Francisco
in my few days before leaving
looking for a belgian man
friend of Leo
Valentijn
waiting waiting
bryin, bar-tender of the eagle
chat chat
and “you should meet this friend of mine in amsterdam
tall and
i send everybody of interest to him
you’ll love him”
so when i emailed him i mentioned you and dennis
and he said
“you already know my west-coast family”
so
i will deposit leo at the airport tomorrow and call martijn and see
when i
can actually meet him
there you were in my dreams
and thought i saw you
a man who reminded me of you
down by the sea
checking in on you
forest and water
how are you doing?
…dominick–>
…vyne~~>
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