woke up
jeff gone
so
beach?
Carlos called
came to pick me up on his
moto
took me to a
nature preserve
but what are the girls for?
sitting in folding chairs at the mouths of dirt roads…
where do they lead?
of course
there was
the cruising
but not by the water
we drove past them
in the preserve…
the birds!
the reeds…
he beach
the air planes
the pictures.
carlos is very cute.
but we are short of time
i need to get back to catch the boat: the bear cruise along the shore…
we
rush
rush back
for always taking forever
boat cruise
the hottest guy is the guy who owns the boat
he stays on land
big belly, white beard, pipe.
the talking
joshua and dino
kaptain a bit
mostly just rubbing him
he smiles…
the hunger
no money
the potato chips
Kaptian.
“bears”
in bear costumes…
sea side
what ever
in the cold
tired
and american closeted chubby living in Germany
parents
yeah
a walk up
we’re hungry
joshua and i
everything is
closed
Easter, i guess
some pub thing serving
Indian food, thanks
Biryani
yeah
and ok Lassi
and bad chocolate
and i gotta go
CLIENT
i had this client who contacted me a few weeks ago
lives here and in madrid
so now i go to meet him
he’s an
artist
when i arrive the TV is playing
porn
which has a soundtrack by
mark weigel
the massage never happens
he wants to talk
and that, given the context, leads to
sex
and
photography
he wants pictures
but he’s very ashamed for wanting them
ashamed to see them
we were smoking
grass
and when i went to photograph him
i noticed all of the life just drained out of him
like he was going into stand-by mode while his photo was shot
which
of course
made for boring photos
so i tried to keep him present
keep him there
but he wasn’t enjoying it
and he was terrified that i might share the photos of his butt
he had sever
butt-shame
i tried to convince him there was nothing wrong about wanting to show off your butt because you wanted it to be fucked
but there was a complex cultural thing here that i couldn’t really deal with.
OK
but he’s friendly, right
says i can stay the night
no thanks
he pays me, which i wasn’t sure he was going to do
but i figured with all the listening and teaching and photography
services were rendered
then he took me to a local
bar for a drink
not a gay bar
… it used to be a bakery, old cake shop
it’s beautiful
i get an organic beer – no additives
it’s nice
then i walk across town
through the old area
feeling
figuring my way back to the jaume1 metro stop
stop and get
a good Kebab
pretty happy
lonely
but enjoying
the night
on the Metro home
there are these
rowdy kids
they start badgering this
pakistani kid
after his friend leaves him
then they shout at him
“mariconne”
and jump off the train, laughing
he sits in silence..
what’s the thinking
what’s he feeling?
when i get off at my stop
i look at him and say
“good night”
making eye contact
making sure he can feel it
he smiles.