15.4. Saturday. Sitges. Sauna. walking after midnight.

wake not too late
go to Sitges
kinda boring
walking around
straight during the day
piss on the rocks
mediocre icecream
argentine beef and waiting and drinks and really good sorbet
“i get it”
jeff says
some kind of completion must be formed in his head
“i get it, we can go now”
back to Barcelona
i’ll go to the sauna
full full
long lines of bears
i wonder around a long time trying to find the other one:
i find Paulo first
he’s a very cute napolese daddy..
but then i find that sauna
and there is a long line there too
so i head to the
Bruc
but by the time i get there
i just really need to take a shit terribly
and feel awful.
i empty my bowels
then play with a hot daddy
who tells me about a bar that is pretty much only older chubby guys
and it only plays traditional music
sounds great!
called Tattoo…
maybe i’ll get there…
but he’s leaving
and someone else pulls me into his room
and i suck his cock
but he wants all my energy
and i just don’t want to give it
i start to feel
sick
then very antisocial
tired
and cranky
and sick
ill
off
out of sorts
i find an empty room and go inside it
that same guy follows me in
understanding no english
and out of patience
i bodily remove him from the room
and lock the door
i don’t sleep
but the rest is good..
then i high-tail it across town to the
Dinner party
waiting to get in
i see a very handsome guy dressed in fancy clothes
a big cloak
a big smile
he keeps smiling at me!
oh no, all the people he’s talking to are speaking in french
oh no, he’s french
french men are so beautiful
too bad they trip off all my fear of rejection shit…
but then he approaches me
and introduces himself as Kaptain
a guy i used to chat with all the time on bearwww
ah, what a sweet man
but it’s time to eat
i claim a table alone
as kaptain is sitting with all the french guys..
then Rudi and Raphael show up
so they sit with me
and then Joshua comes
they all eat a lot
i’m feeling a bit better
but not eating much
mostly just really happy to be sitting across from Rudi
i love seeing him again
chatting with joshua and dino and friends
and some really hot men in here
really hot
ugh…
Joshua just wants to go home
so Rudi and Raphael and i head back to where they are staying
so
i roll a joint
and rudi shows me a stick he bought today at a market…
it’s not licorice… but something used as a toothbrush, apparently
i don’t know what it is..
but he says he’s always kept the stick i gave him…
rememberance
what to do?
smoke
we walked around the neighborhood
i took them to El Punto
and Rudi hated it:
well lit and no smoking and terrible people
Ok.
so we went back to the
Bacon Bear Bar
ok drinks
i try to talk to some long hairs
dis-synch
i know so little spanish…
and the rhythm of it i was getting into has been ruined by speaking quick american with jeff
oh well…
we head off
to Fur
which i am not interested in
so i tell him i will walk around and take photos and meet them in an hour
— i had my camera with me
so i walk to the
Plaza Espanya
in the middle of the street, crossing, i notice how beautiful it looks
and being a bit buzzed
i stop right there and start making some photo experiments
i had fun
long exposures
the moon, the clouds
nearly cliche
the building behind me looking like a throne
i had fun
but started to worry about police arresting me for standing in the middle of the street for so long
so i started walking up to the building..
taking a few more long-exposure pictures on the way.
up the steps
long steps
to a flat area
forest kinda
oh, what’s this?
cruising.
and the cruising
the cruising
like a moth to a flame
i followed him
behind the bushes
down a dirt path
around behind an old building
marble steps
on my knees
some daddy
someone from somewhere
his wife
he smiled and said thank you
we hugged
and it was time for me to get going back..
still, i took more pics on the way
and saw some bears running around grabbing cabs..
i arrived at the entrance to Fur
and it was closed.
everyone was gone.
i looked at my booklet
and sure enough
fur closes at 1
and it’s 1:30
and the clock on my camera is an hour behind, somehow
telling me it’s 12:30
i’m on time
too late.
rudi
where’d you go?
where’d you go?
i take pictures of the
the Basquiat crown
which was one of the main reasons i had my camera with me today
someone making a reference to SAMO
the rest of the wall covered with silliness
now what?
i can still catch the last metro home if i hurry..
or should i try and find rudi at the eagle?
i don’t have much time to think about it
fine
take the metro home alone
entire car filled with vomit
and whoever it was
got off at my same stop
vomit that looked like
raw meat on the escalator.
piling up where the metal stairs slide under
i saw him at the top of the next one
poor young boy with his older buddy
lovers? brothers?
someone to take care of you when you’re a mess..
Jeff had just got back from the Casino!
only a half hour before i had…
he lost a bit
then won a bit
more than he lost
so he was happy
we worked ourselves to sleep.